Music

Ryan Hopak and the Happy Chinchillas featuring Dana Shaw
“Titanic”
A parody of “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette
New lyrics by Ryan Hopak

Click the arrow to play

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Download the song (right click and “save as”)

Titanic lyrics:

My first time taking a cruise
I was so jittery, I puked on my shoes
When the mop guy came to swab the deck
I asked “Is this boat safe?” and he replied “Heck…
This is the Titanic. It won’t sink”

So I played lots of shuffleboard
And I pigged out on the free smorgasbord
I was nervous once, but I wasn’t no more
Some kid even drew me naked

Standing on the bow to pretend to fly
I held my arms out, and then I closed my eyes
I opened my eyes back up and saw a fright
And as the boat sped up I said “Hey, isn’t that ice?”
But this is the Titanic. It won’t sink

Well we scraped a hole in our hull
And it scared the crap out of a seagull
And a chunk of ice fell and cracked my skull
Hey somebody call my lawyer

Well ice has a funny way
Of sinking your ship when you run right smack into it
That sucker just won’t budge
And ice has a funny way
Of keeping your drink cold on a hot summer’s day
So hey everyone, don’t hold a grudge

The water’s cold when we jumped in the drink
And parts of some guys really started to shrink
And my waterproof watch was really taking a beating
Was getting a cramp in my leg
‘Cause I didn’t wait a half hour after eating

And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think
Unsinkable Titanic…and yeah it really do sink

Well our swim to shore really started to blow
‘Cause we didn’t play any Marco Polo
When I made it home, I was swimmin’ in dough
I sold the rights to the movie

And yeah, ice has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Oh, ice has a funny, funny way of sinking you down

Credits

Song performers
Dana Shaw on lead vocals, backing vocals

Recorded at Ditch Road Records in Simi Valley, CA
Engineer: Ryan Canestro

_____________________________________________________________________

Ryan Hopak and the Happy Chinchillas featuring Timothy Mank
“Tribal Council”
A parody of “Smooth” by Santana featuring RobThomas
New lyrics by Ryan Hopak

Click the arrow to play

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Download the song (right click and “save as”)

Tribal Council lyrics:

I’m a contestant
I’m on “Survivor” and I want to win
Out in the middle of nowhere
Hot humid air
It feels like a drought

I’m with some strangers
We’re out here facing all the dangers
But if I’m the complainer
I’ll get voted out

Like if I said
“This rice ain’t cooked enough,
I’m hot, I want to see my mom”
Then I’m toast
My tribe would get in a bad mood
And then I’m screwed

Cause they’d from an alliance to get rid of me
And I’d miss out on a million bucks in prize money
I only signed up for this to get on TV
Better clean up my act, make some friends
Or face the tribal council

I’ll tell you one thing
This castaway stuff is annoying me
I use a stick to brush my teeth
Wipe with a leaf
It smells like a zoo

People up to no good
This cranky old guy makes us gather wood
This other dumb guy eating bugs
Keeps mumbling “What would Gilligan do?”

I really hate this chick who talks a lot
She’s stuck up, and she will not do squat

But I’ll keep her ’round for one more week or two
‘Cause she’s so cute

And I just saw a fat guy walk around nude
And now he’s squatting by the ocean while he looks for food
He’s showing off his blubber–hey, man, that’s just rude
Now put on some pants, make it quick
Or face the tribal council

Welcome to your first tribal council everyone
Tim, so far you’ve been accused of stealing food,
instigating arguments and telling lies about other people
And that was just on the plane ride over
The tribe has spoken,
and the first person voted out of “Survivor” is…
Big shock. Tim

Now the whole country watched me lose on the show
And now I am not a millionaire, I’m just a joe
I guess I’ll go back to my job at Home Depot
And pose naked for magazines
Or you’ll forget about me

Or you’ll forget about me
No, oh, no, oh
Or you’ll forget about me
No, no, no, no

Let’s don’t forget about me
(Pose naked for magazines)
Or you’ll forget about me

Credits

Song performers
Timothy Mank on lead vocals, backing vocals
Dave Boone doing spoken word as Survivor host
Eric Porvaznik on conch shell
Janna Kay and Ryan Hopak doing tribal chant

Recorded at Track Record in North Hollywood, CA
Engineers: Rob Bosquez, Mike Hogue, Ryan Kennedy

 

Ryan Hopak and the Happy Chinchillas featuring Janna
“I Like Ebert”
A parody of “I’m Like A Bird” by Nelly Furtado
New lyrics by Ryan Hopak

Click the arrow to play

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Download the song (right click and “save as”)

I Like Ebert lyrics:

When I want to
See a flick
And don’t know what to choose
I turn to
My favorite critic
And I read his reviews

And Leonard Maltin’s OK
Gene Siskel was, too

I like Ebert, and what he has to say
Film goers counting on him
When they’re reading his column
(And baby all I need for you to know is)
I like Ebert, he really makes my day
He’s the best movie watcher
With the first name of Roger

I don’t think he
Liked “Gladiator”
When he said this film sucks
But he kept me
From the theater
And he saved me eight bucks

And when he’s on TV
My nose is on the screen

I like Ebert, I really love his show
Like the way that he sums up
All those films with a thumbs up
(And baby all I need for you to know is)
I like Ebert, and everybody knows
He’s the critic from Chicago
Always taking up the front row
(And baby all I need for you to know is)

Well I don’t care that he’s got a wife
And I’d be his co-host for life
If he would leave Richard Roeper
If movie popcorn were our love
The one for Roger & me would have to be
The biggest tub

Oh, will he hold my hand
When the lights go out
Answer, man
Thumbs up or thumbs down?

I like Ebert (I like Ebert)
He’s got real sexy glasses
And a lot of movie passes
(And baby all I need for you to know is)
I like Ebert, I wanna take him home
Nobody could look better
With silver hair and a sweater
(And baby all I need for you to know is)

I like Ebert, and if he thinks I’m cute
Pretty soon we’ll be getting
Rave reviews for our wedding
(And baby all I need for you to know is)
I like Ebert, and when we say, “I do”
Instead of rice over our heads
They’ll be throwing Raisinets
(And baby all I need for you to know is)

I like Ebert, and on our honeymoon
My “Citizen Kane”-loving big stud
Will want to do it on rosebuds
(And baby all I need for you to know is)
I like Ebert, and when the night is through
He’ll be calling his new bride
“…a non-stop exciting thrill ride!”
(And baby all I need for you to know is)

But until then the balcony is closed